F$%K IT

Take Chances

Be Ambitious
Love Yourself

My last blog post I talked about how this season for me started off and how it picked up again. Since then, I feel like a lot has happened that I haven't had a chance to digest or come to terms with.

Sometimes you’re unaware of reality, sometimes it hits you like a truck, but no matter where you are in life, I’m realizing it’s important to find time for personal reflection. Or more harshly, find time to get a reality check.

Rewinding to July, as all Ontario residents are aware, there was a heat wave that seemed to last weeks through the early summer- September. After a breakthrough performance at Hardwood Ski and Bike, I realized the downside of pushing through that heat. I experienced severe symptoms of heat exhaustion after that race but even more serious was the fact that the symptoms persisted and I got quite sick for two weeks. During this time period, we had the Sir Sam's Ontario Cup race. I tried to race through the heat again, not knowing what I was doing to myself. Doctors told me that that was a mistake and the reason why I actually got heat stroke this time. It was a pretty terrifying experience, I was extremely nauseous for the next week and had to leave work and go see the doctor because I thought I had strep throat or (thankfully not) mono. I found out that my symptoms were just my body trying to recover from heat stroke, and that I had to take some serious time off, work and training. Sometimes it takes a big hit to realize that you're not the invincible 12 year old you once thought you were, and this scenario was a huge eye opener.

I was actually confident in myself leading into nationals that I could maintain my fitness. I arrived with Team Ontario in Canmore, ready for MTB Nationals and was ready to get into the prerace routine. But quickly I realized that I was having a lot of trouble breathing doing EASY recovery rides, let alone tune ups. 

Race day came, and mid-race, once again reality hit me like a truck. I was not race fit. I was going backwards. A flat during the race gave me the opportunity to tell myself, "See? You flatted and that's why you're not performing!", but at the end of the day, I had no severe crashes or anything that could really excuse myself. You tell yourself what you need to in order to save yourself I guess. So instead of embracing the embarrassment I felt from what was actually going on, I accepted that the outcome might have been different if I hadn't flatted, and then I focused on other things like hiking in Canmore. 

The next couple weeks I decided to start fresh, let myself have time to recover from the heat stroke, lots of endurance no high heart rate. I also decided it was time for a mental fresh start. This lead to lots of camping trips, working in the woodshop, and lots of big rides with friends. Enjoying summer.

Times like this, you realize how important it is to have a well rounded life, not dependant on one component that makes you, you. If you find passion in many areas of your life, it’s easy to pick yourself up from failure or losses. In this sense, I feel like I’m learning to love myself by not obsessing about hardships and focusing on what makes me happy and proud to be alive. 

Choose to Love yourself.

Also during this time, a lot of my close friends were talking to me about my race, as well as my sports psych Lisa Veloce and physio Michelle Laframboise. All of these people close to me helped me come to terms with how sick I was in July, and that I probably shouldn't have even raced nationals. But being in that situation and telling yourself that you're not healthy enough to go to your biggest race of the year, and then actually cancelling your plans, is almost impossible. I don't think I would have bailed on Canmore either way, but in hindsight, I understood that my performance was just a result of my sickness. Once again, one performance does not define you! #24hourrule (refer to last blog)

The next major event this summer was been Crank the Shield. I'd never done a mountain bike stage race before and I was really nervous not knowing what to expect. To ensure that I was properly fit and recovered from July, I kicked up my hours on the bike and found that the more I rode, the more I wanted to ride! It all paid off during the long grueling three stages in Sault Saint Marie with Soren Meeuwisse as my teammate. This was my first time competing in a mountain bike stage race, and now I know there will be more to come.

We first got to take a beautiful train North to Batchewan Mountain where we started stage 1, 95 km and just under 2000m of climbing. Ouch. I was thankful to have my moms dual suspension trail bike to help get  me through the 6:45 hours spent on the saddle. Each night, we set up camp in our tent and were fed and then crashed only to wake up early again the next day to start all over. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it was so incredible to ride/ meet all of the other racers who like us, love riding bikes.

 Stage 2 was really fun with an insane downhill as the highlight for me. With features similar to World Cup courses, I was happy with the Devinci trail bike but as Sean Ruppel (Superfly Racing) would say, “you’d be fine with a hardtail, just throw a dropper on there”. The words of the race organizer to give you an idea of who was the mastermind behind the stages (lol).

Stage 3 was my favourite, a little less climbing, but lots of single track. Fun flowy, and lots of locals screaming and cheering at you to go faster! It was amazing. HUGE thank you to Sean for creating an event like this, bringing us to his “home land” and showing us what riding can be like in Ontario. Also huge thank you to my mom for organizing and fundraising for me, I wouldn't have been able to do this race without your help and the help of all of the people who made generous donations. Oh, and we kicked ass! We won the mixed category for every stage and were the third overall fastest team! What. An. Experience. 

Take Chances.

The next major part of the past couple of months was taking part in the Green Mountain Stage Race with my team, Highgate Racing p/d Dornellas. GMSR is a four day road stage race, with mixed events including a TT, circuit, long stage, and finally the critirium. One of my best friends Sarah Fabbro (Trek Canada) was a guest rider for the team,  who had done the race with me two years ago. We were both pretty pumped to see how we would fare compared to the last time we had raced.

Stage 1 was the TT, and my teamate Lindsay Stefferazzo absolutely smashed it coming in 3rd overall setting her up for the GC.

Stage 2 I felt really good, and went for the first sprint, the climb and the final sprint, and actually finished 2nd overall that day and with the sprinters jersey! Who knew?

The App Gap stage went as expected, it was hard as hell but once again, the Highgate women performed to a T. With the help of Sarah and Ali, I was positioned for the first sprint. I gave that sprint everything I had... and got it! WHOA. With the help of Andrea and Sarah, Lindsay was able to come in for the final climb in a group, and finished 6th! With an overall time faster than the elite women!

With the long stage over, then came the crit. A fast 1 km lap circuit race, something I'm a little more familiar with. I was pretty excited to see how I'd fare in this event since it mimics a cyclocross race very well. Right off the bat I could feel fatigue in my legs, but with the speed of the race and the energy from the crowds of people, I was feeling way too determined to let that stop me from leaving it all out there. As planned I went for all of the Sprint Jersey sprints, and worked with Lindsay to get her set to stay in sight of the GC. I felt on fire. Literally, it was really hot out.

I finished up 5th overall in the crit, and tied for the sprint jersey overall! Lindsay also crushed it getting 3rd in the General Classification! All in all, an incredible experience.

 Ever since I became an U23 racer, I've been racing with elites and therefor with a larger group of racers. I went from aiming for a top 3 result in Junior to aiming to get a top 15 result in Elite. I think with that came an acceptance that, I don't compete for the win. Now this is a pretty crappy attitude even though appropriate in some cases, but the GMSR reminded me that just because the odds are against you, you can still strive to improve and if you're determined, you can win. If I set my mind to it, I can make it happen, if I push and give whatever I'm doing 100%, I can win.

Be ambitious.

There has certainly been a lot of ups and downs over the past couple of months. In July, I was so embarrassed by my performances and took it as personal failure. I was so obsessed with it being a representation of myself that I couldn't take a step back and accept that my performance was just a temporary setback because of sickness.
In August, I decided it was time to restart and remember why I ride my bike and race. Then cut to now, I'm finally digesting the roller coaster that was my summer.

I have no idea why things happen the way that they do but I do encourage everyone to stop, look, and listen (a quote for my fellow murderinos out there), and try to give your life some meaning like I found meaning to my summer. I refuse to look at July as a setback and now I'm the most excited and driven to train and be in school than I have been in years! At the time I was just "trying to get through it" but what's the point of doing that? You don't get time back, but you do get as many chances you choose to give yourself. Soo...

Take Chances,
Be Ambitious,
& Love Yourself

Because the only way to prove to yourself that you deserve more chances at success is to say f$%k it,  ignore the doubts, and keep trying anyway.